Our story - part II

So I'm fighting to not take epidural, a pain medication thinking that I could voluntarily avoid medical interventions. Wrong choice, i know that now. So this pain inducing drug works slow, so slow that I saw three nurses change shifts and adjust the level of pictocine. And finally a South African nurse was trying to convince me to take epidural, that way they could increase my level of pictocine. She was telling me that my contractions were not sufficient to induce dilation.

So eventually I give up and take epidural and then more unexpected and unheard of medical interventions followed. I could hear muffed voices as I was feeling too week, they were trying to reach my doctor who was suggesting them to use some kind of equipment to check the effacement. What was worrying was hearing that the baby was not descending.

I was praying as hard as I can, after all that was the only thing I could do apart from crying. Aravind and my mother were with me trying to tell me that everything will be fine. Watching me cry and not being able to help would have made them feel worst but my senses were far too broken apart to understand their feelings. Many a times I react and later regret and this was again one such occasion. But at least I'm learning.

The nurses were also getting all tensed up, I know its unlike a nurse but after all they are humans. After hours and hours of pictocine, I was 7 cm dilated. Things could have progressed had the baby showed signs of descending. But God alone knew why its not easy for the baby and yet He decided to just watch what we do.

After I think close to 24 hours, which is the highest time given for a delivery after the mothers water breaks, suddenly the nurses rush into my triage room. They was trying to work on the monitors all around me and on my belly. They said something about heart rate dropping. One of the nurses left quickly to call my doctor and came back saying that I'll be taken for a c-section. I think that was it. I lot my sense for good. I was no longer praying, but fighting with God.
I've been working hard to keep myself healthy throughout pregnancy but I end up here? Why was this happening to me?

Nobody could console me, my mother walked out crying and Aravind who was strong, stronger than I had ever imagined he would be. He stayed with me trying so hard to make me stop crying. He was telling me that for now its the baby's health and a safe delivery that's very important. And that it was perfectly normal to have a c-section. And the same lines everything will be alright.

But I was just not ready, I could never accept it. My doctor walked in, it was probably 5:40 am on October 29th 2010. She said we have to do a c-section as the baby's heart rate was dropping a couple of times and the critical issue is the baby is not descending. I was begging her to give me some more time and try increasing the pictocine and that I don't want a c-section. But she just said "Geetha I wish I could give you time but then again I don't want to take a risk".

They wheeled me in for the surgery and within minutes Sripathi breathed his first hospital air. It was 6:07 am. We heard him wail and the next thing I heard was the doctor mention that I could never have delivered him vaginally as his head was too large. Too large as per normal standards that he was rushed for an MRI within 4 hours of birth. But once delivered, the nurse cleaned Sripathi and brought him to me and placed his cheek near my lips, for me to kiss him. He looked cute, amazingly cute. After an hour or so i held him in the recovery room.

Prayers for Hannah

Its been 10 days since I've been following on the health of Hannah on http://littlemisshannah.com/
Its heartening to see Hannah and the family having such a hard time.

Though we know that God always does what is good for his children, its tough to accept it at such situations.

May God hold and comfort Hannah and may He shower His immense grace on the family as they sail this rough course.

one day left to live series - 6 months and 28 days

Well I had been trying to get Sripathi to sleep well and for this I was checking out sleep therapy and could not find anything on such lines. And probably a week back while I was browsing Amazon.com I found a book called the 90 minute baby sleep program. I first checked the number of pages, because #1 I cannot spend too much time to read and understand stuff when I could possibly be putting Sripathi to sleep. And the book fared well on that aspect at 184 pages. And next was the reviews and the book seemed to impress me with several rave reviews. So i decided to give it a try and bought it. When i saw the order details on my mail it read that the book would arrive only in the second week of June and i sort of forgot about it.

And suddenly yesterday evening i saw this small book lying on the table, Aravind had checked the mailbox and had curiously opened the surprise package. I was pleasantly happy looking at the size of the book i could probably finish it while Sripathi takes a couple of naps. And that's exactly what I did today apart from checking the fight status online. Yes looks like what the author says about trying to read the signs when the baby feels sleepy which is around 90 minutes from his last nap. So I'll be following the method provided in the book and hope that Sripathi gets sufficient nap and sleep time. Sripathi had a several naps during the day, i was already trying to implement what i was reading. If this works well i would share it with other new moms i know. Probably share the book, its better to read than take my word for it. Moreover the author has done an excellent job in trying to allocate a complete chapter for all the weird questions that could come up. And most of the questions where similar or exactly same as the one running in my mind. And i checked out the author Polly Moore's website and she has a section where we can post questions and she answers them.

And yes my mother has arrived safely. She was all smiles when she came in and saw Sripathi. She is now resting well to make sure she does not have a jet lag.

one day left to live series - 6 months and 27 days

Sripathi's scheduled vaccination was today and we had to postpone it because of his seizure like activity. Cannot risk it because when he had his second month HIB vaccination in March he had seizures the next day and today would have been his fourth month HIB but it has to wait another week.

We have been able to handle things well for 2 days now, thanks to Aravind for patiently taking care of Sripathi while i try to cook something up for our meals. Tomorrow my mother will be here by this time and then we would be able to handle things more efficiently. The reason we cannot leave Sripathi alone is we'll never know when he would have a seizure. BTW my mother is traveling alone from India and I've been thinking about her a lot and praying that she has a safe and hassle-free journey.

Later today i think it was around 8:15 pm we decided to take Sripathi out for a short walk and then put him to sleep. I could not take him out earlier as it was so sunny until 8:00 well that's normal for Florida! But anyway it was a nice walk, the moon was so full and bright. And on the way we met our neighbor who was taking his cute little dog for a walk. We stopped to say hello and he was politely inquiring about Sripathi's health.

As we we about to bid our good-bye's he mentioned that whenever he would pass by our door and see the sticker he would send prayers for Sripathi. (the sticker carries a mantra that we chant, actually this photograph is of our previous house in the same community but our current house looks the same, so if anyone is visiting us, you can easily identify our house ;))
It was so pleasant to hear that so many people are keeping Sripathi in their prayers. And I'm happy to keep hearing such positive affirmation so often. It was a couple of hours back that I read a sweet comment from my dear old school friend Lavanya that she has been following my blog and is praying for Sripathi.

We feel so blessed. My sincere thanks to all these wonderful people in our lives.

Late post

My in laws left for India yesterday, so I was busy with doing a lot of things around the house. Surprisingly i could take care of everything, Sripathi's therapy, making lunch and dinner. bathing Sripathi, taking him for a walk around the the community and getting him to do more exercise through out the day. Not bad eh? And what's more surprising is i was not tired or anything.

Ok i'm gonna stop this post and play with Sripathi. He is now sitting on my lap and smiling. How cute!

one day left to live series - 6 months and 25 days

An update on Sripathi. Well for the past couple of days I've been noticing that he is about to have a seizure and when I talk to him and try to get his attention he is able to come out of it. But today though i tried my best he did end up having a seizure but was a very short one say 30 seconds or so. But the process of him about to have a seizure like the eyes pulling away and then coming back to normal was taking place in intervals for almost 4 minutes. So now I'm a little confused if I should consider that period as part of the seizure? But then again his postictale state was very obvious. If his seizure was long or severe he usually goes to sleep for alteast 30 minutes but this time around he did not feel really sleepy. But I'm planning to wait and see how Sripathi is able to handle his seizures before we can contact the neurologist because its otherwise too early to adjust the medication.

Apart from the seizure his therapy is going on, but Miss. Peg is unable to do much once Sripathi starts wailing. He is so uncontrollable. She is advising me to not pick him up too often and try to fnd a better way to soothe him. I'm trying to teach him to use a pacifier but he just wouldn't take one. I'm planning to buy different types of pacifiers and keep trying them hoping he will prefer to take one someday and the sooner the better.

For now I'm trying to workout a schedule or a routine for Sripathi because we lose a lot of time during the day when I could be geting him to do some of the exercises probably spread them throughout the day rather than get him to do it all at one time.

From an American Swami

All Sorrow comes from the sense of I and mine. All sorrow is due to one's keeping apart from God. When you are with him all pain disappears. By sorrow does the Lord dispel sorrow and by adversity does he destroy adversity. When this is done He sends no more suffering, no more adversity. This must be remembered at all times. - Anandamayi Ma.

Our Story - part I

Well it was around 4:30 am when I woke up to go to the bathroom. Its quite common when you are 38 weeks pregnant. But the next time around I remember jumping out of the bed as I had a feeling I was peeing in the bed. It was 7:30 am and I rushed to the bathroom. I came back and woke up Aravind and told him "is this how it feels when the water breaks?" He calls the gynecologists answering system. And boy oh boy was I waiting to hear her. Finally after 20 odd minutes the doctor returns the call and I ask her the same question. She told me to use a sanitary pad and check after 30 - 40 minutes to see if the pad is wet. If it is then it means someone is ready to peek into this world soon.


So I use the pad and decide to go for a walk with my dad. Not a nice idea, but I just could not sit. As if we walk, every 3 minutes i was like "maybe I have to check or maybe if I continue to walk it will be fine". Eventually my dad had heard enough so we return home in around 15 minutes. So when I checked things were not unusual so Aravind decides to leave to work and just as he was getting ready to leave I start to feel uneasy, it was like why take a chance and so I decide to be taken to the hospital. Dad, Aravind and I leave to the hospital while my mom is preparing lunch.


As we arrive at the hospital, Aravind asks me to go to the emergency entry and tell the nurse my situation. As i get out of the car, Aravind was like "uh-oh Radhe your pants are really wet". So I'm like still hoping that I'm just leaking pee and not amniotic fluid. I don't want to delivery like this. I cannot accept my water bag breaking. But it was meant to be. The nurse wheels me to the triage room and they test the liquid with some kind of paper, if the color of the paper turns blue it means the liquid is amniotic fluid. I had butterflies in my stomach when I saw the blue tinged paper.



Well this is it then. So I'm in the hospital and the IV was administered to start the pain inducing medication. The medical interventions that i never wanted to experience began. It was all happening exactly the way i never wanted it to happen. I was getting a little depressed. But cheering myself up that it will be over soon, all I want is my baby. I started praying that i deliver soon and go home with my baby. Maybe this is how God intended it to be or maybe my prayers were not fervent.

From an American Swami

Hope in the divine can empower a human being to overcome unimaginable obstacles.
(photograph - yosemite national park, california)

From an American Swami

From a small seed buried in the dirt, this flower has grown into what it is a beautiful blossom basking in the sunshine. How? By surrendering her destiny to the will of God.

one day left to live series - 6 months and 20 days

So after the last seizure on Sunday, Sripathi resumed physical therapy today. And he didn't like it a wee bit. Leaving Miss. Peg to rush for the next appointment without letting me sign her papers.
Anyway we have more important things to handle, how will and when will i learn to soothe him? Especially when he is annoyed and starts to wail there is nothing i can do or anybody around me can do to soothe him... no pacifier, and no he will not feed.

Poor guy kept wailing for almost 10 minutes. Though less than 10 minutes it was like eons for me. He was so tired at the end but then again he would not rest or nap. Miss. Peg has asked me to put him more on the boppy facing down, we have to get his abdomen stronger and eventually his neck.

At the end of the day, I'm just glad my little pumpkin was happy before he went to sleep.

From an American Swami

From the book of Talmud

It is better to pray to God for the strength to overcome temptations, difficulties and doubt in order to do His will rather than pray for Him to do our will.

(Photograph taken during the early hours at Khana National Park in India)

one day left to live series - 6 months and 18 days

It was a long day, though Sripathi didn't have any seizures he was just not willing to sleep nor take naps. I know he is exhausted and so am I, but I don't know how he is able to stay awake for no reason. And most of the time he wants to be carried. He is not a small guy at 6 1/2 months he's already 2 1/2 feet and weighs 22 pounds. Yes he is very big for his age. Its due to a gene duplication that he's having to go through several disorders.


I'm going crazy trying to get him to rest for a while. I feel guilty getting help from my husband after all he comes back tired from work. I feel angry at myself for not being able to care for my baby and knowing that that is all I have to do in a day.


Anyway I'll keep trying harder to figure out a way. There has to be a solution to any situation.
I'll hold on to him closer and tighter as we tread this tunnel, its dark, we are scared but we'll get there somehow.

BTW I called Miss.Peg to reschedule his therapy as I was worried that exercising will provoke another seizure.

Edit: As per the neurologist's suggestion from May 18th Sripathi will have an increased dose of one of his medications

one day left to live series - 6 months and 17 days

After a month the luck has faded, Sripathi had a seizure this evening. It last a little over 2 minutes. It was a little different from his usual seizuers, this time around his eyes were juggling up and down though they were focusing towards his left side. He was so exhausted after the seizure that he feel asleep. He woke up after an hour and i gave him his usual medication. We'll be contacting his neurologist at Texas children's hospital tomorrow to find out his approach on Sripathi's medication.


Now i'm not sure how his physical therapy will proceed tomorrow morning. Miss Peg will be here at 9:00 a.m and i'm not sure if Sripathi will be active enough to participate. Moreover even if he is able to continue exercising i'm a little concerned if it would trigger another seizure.





My little Hero is taking everything that God sends his way.
This is our bundle of joy so joyful just 10 minutes before his seizure.




a little hope
a little light
a little hand
to hold so tight

a little gift
with a toll
from the heavens
to lift my soul

one day left to live series - 6 months and 16 days

It was a lazy saturday, Sripathi woke up, we did his excercise, had medication and later nursed. He took a couple of naps in the morning and afternoon, which was good! Apart from the usual stuff, we took Sripathi for a long walk around our community.

one day left to live series - 6 months and 15 days

So today Sripathi did take good naps, and he also went to bed early like around 8:00 pm but again he kind of lost his sleep for over an hour. I've just logged in after trying to put him to sleep this past hour.

Ok apart from that today was the second session with Miss.Peg for this week. He learned yet another exercise which he didn't like. As his arm muscles are week she taught us how one person can position him on his knees and hold on to his tummy and make him support his own head while the other person holds his elbows down by his sides. I know all this sounds like torture but we have to do whatever it takes to make him strong but yes slowly and steadily. we cannot afford to lose what we have by hastily hurrying things up.

oh BTW Aravind (my husband) and my in laws had been to NASA, well not quite literally. They actually went there to watch the shuttle launch. I did not want to take Sripathi, as its too hot out there. As its customary in Orlando they we stuck in traffic both ways. But they were on time to watch the shuttle take off at sharp 2:20 pm. It was a successful launch of Atlantis on its STS-132 mission with a crew of 6.

Right now my eyelids are so heavy and painful, i need some sleep. Good night.

Glad to share a cupcake recipe

I'm glad i stopped by motherload blog, i want to participate in the glad to give bake sale.
If i could in anyway help with fundraising for the pediatric cancer research.

I read through the comments and understood that its enough if i could post a good recipe and not necessary that i have to post pictures. So anybody else who is eager to help but cannot bake anything right away can also participate. Please check motherload
So here is my tested and tasted recipe.

Orange Marmalade Cupcakes
Disclaimer: This recipe requires a additional 45 minutes of preparation time. And this is an eggless cupcake. I don't eat eggs, that's why.

Ingredients
2 cups cake flour
1 1/2 cup brown sugar (packed)
1/2 cup butter
1 tablespoon baking powder
1 teaspoon salt
1/4 cup vegetable oil
1/4 cup yogurt
1 orange
2 teaspoons orange essence
2 bananas


Here we go…
First boil the orange in a pot for 45 minutes.
Preheat oven to 350°F. Prepare 18 muffin tins with paper liners.


Once it is boiled and cooled or rather cool enough to handle, cut the orange and scrap out the pulp and try to cut the pulp as finely as you can. Then cut the orange peel as finely as you can.

Using a hand mixer beat the sugar, bananas and butter in a bowl. Gradually add the oil, yogurt and orange essence.
Sift together the flour, baking powder and salt.
Now mix dry ingredients to the batter and mix really well using the hand mixer.
To this batter add the prepared oranges and mix well, but do not use a hand mixer.
Evenly divided the batter between the muffin tins. Bake for about 15-20 minutes, or until cupcakes are done.

For the Frosting: beat butter about 1/2 cup. Add a tablespoon of orange zest. Add in 3 cups confectioner sugar.

one day left to live series - 6 months and 14 days

Sripathi did all his exercises well today, especially the ones that involve him to sit side ways. It was very difficult in the beginning and now he's getting the hang of it. And he had 2 good naps today. He was happily napping this morning when the coordinator Erin from Lighthouse, the visual therapy institute arrived. Since it was only a paper work session, Sripathi's nap went uninterrupted. Erin told me that the visual therapist would call us in less than 2 weeks and schedule an appointment to meet Sripathi.

Later in the afternoon he had another good nap though he woke in between it was not too hard for him to get back. And while he was napping there was yet another visitor. Though we knew this visitor was on his way, we never knew when he would knock at our doors. So who is this visitor? we had ordered a walking and barking Pluto for Sripathi, that was the mother's day gift from me to Sripathi. This toy is recommended for ages 3 and up but i still went ahead and bought it because Sripathi loves to hear barks. Funny right, but sometimes when he fusses to take his medication, i bark and yap like a puppy and he immediately smiles.


When we showed him his new friend, Sripathi didn't acknowledge but he didn't reject it altogether. So i think he'll grow to like his Pluto. Here is a picture of Pluto, will share a picture of Sripathi and Pluto once they start bonding :)

one day left to live series - 6 months and 13 days

Miss. Peg taught us few more exercises today. She also informed us that based on her evaluation from the last visit, it seems Sripathi behaves like a 2 month old baby. So our goals are now to ensure that he learns to control his head and trunk. We need to make sure Sripathi gets these exercises done at several intervals in a day. As his head is large and heavy most of these physical therapies are going to be difficult and painful for him. But we have start somewhere to help him stay independent someday. Me and Sripathi need an awful lot of strength and determination to perform these exercises.

Tomorrow is yet another therapy day. The visual therapist will be visiting Sripathi and evaluating him. BTW last night Sripathi had a tough time getting back to sleep after he woke up at around 2:00 a.m. He got some nap probably 30-40 mins twice this afternoon. I know that's not enough at all. Babies his age are supposed to nap 2 to 4 hours in the day and sleep for 12 hours at night. And Sripathi probably manages to get some 7 hours of sleep during the night and just 40 minutes of nap time during the day. This is the reason i'm trying to find about sleep therapy.

I was just looking up for some quote on sleep and see what i found
People who say they sleep like a baby usually don't have one. ~Leo J. Burke

Good night

one day left to live series - 6 months and 12 days

It was the sixth month checkup today. And Sripathi did well. I'm proud of my hero. And yes he had his Polio shot today. He did cry, well i would only worry if he didn't! His naps were okay, close to 2 hours. And he seemed quiet joyful in the evening with his paternal grandma and grandpa. :)
We have to watch him closely for the next couple of days. And tomorrow Miss.Peg will be here to continue on Sripathi's physical therapy.

Let me now go grab that glass of milk i've been wanting to drink for the past 30 minutes of so. And then i'll go catch 40 winks!

Thank you Aparna and Donna

Wow I feel so blessed, come to think about it, this is my second thank you blog in a row. God is just great, he has still kept me in a situation were i've been the recipient of kindness and love. Such kindness and love that i have to be grateful for.

Here is the lovely and my first ever mother's day card from my dear friend Aparna.
Aparna you'll never know how much this card means to me. Thank you and blessings to Sadhana and Charita.


Donna, Thank you for such a heart warming message i received from you today.
I'm sorry to hear about your sixth child, but I'm sure God had a wonderful reason. Though the sweet child had just 5 1/2 months, God chose the baby to live with you. :)
And yes Sripathi does have health problems, though now i'm taking it all in the right stride i really have to thank several people just like you, who have inspired me and motivated me to look at the positive side of everything.
In that aspect I want to mention my gratitude to my mom, for she was the first person to tell me how God has chosen us (me and Aravind my husband) to take care of Sripathi and that proves that God believed that we can give Sripathi all the love he truly deserves.
And thank you for your prayers Donna. May the all knowing almighty always keep your family healthy, wealthy and wise.


"Take nothing for granted in a second it can all be gone"

Thank you from the bottom of America (Florida)

Thanks to a friend who showed us a mentor in Ramu Anna.
Thanks to the mentor who made us chant the Nama.
Naive as we were, chanting the Nama, not knowing what it can do.
Thanks to the Nama for it dragged us to the Guru.
Thanks to the Guru who took us into his family.
Thanks to a special family who showered the utmost empathy.
Thanks for their empathy, we felt blessed every moment.
Thanks to the several moments i got to read a book i was lent.
Thanks to the lent book for it taught me a beautiful prayer.
Thanks to the prayer, for i pray it will stick with me forever.

Forever should i pray for the strength to overcome temptations, difficulties, doubts and anger in order to do His will.

one day left to live series - 6 months and 11 days

The pediatrician visit is not until tomorrow. Actually Sripathi will be getting his vaccination shot. He's been having seizures since he was 2 months old. So the neurologist had initially suggested that we stop vaccinations as that could trigger further seizures. Now that he is on medication we have been advised to restart his vaccination low and slow, like one vaccination per week and to proceed with the next shot only if he was alright.
So i just gave him 1.2 ml of Tylenol after confirming the same with a best friend/best doctor Lekshmi ji. The tylenol is to make sure he does not get a fever, as fever can trigger seizures.


Even after having the tylenol he had a hard time going to sleep. He did take short naps in the morning and afternoon, but i felt that was not enough. Moreover i had to rock him all along.
I'm trying to find some kind of sleep therapy, but nobody i know really knows anything about a sleep therapy.


Anyway today we went to costco to get Sripathi's passport size photographs taken.
BTW he already has his passport, since we are basically from India, we now need to apply for an Indian visa for Sripathi.



"Take nothing for granted in a second it can all be gone"

one day left to live series - 6 months and 10 days

Sripathi's nap time troubles are quite the same, but at least we are attempting to change. He did take a short nap at 10:00 am but the actually afternoon nap was very disturbed. Today for mother's day I gave him an ounce of organic applesauce. He seemed to like it, but later in the evening at around 8:00 pm he crying so badly. We realized that it was probably because he could not properly digest the applesauce or he was just plain gassy. Whatever now I'm a little concerned about trying to give him another spoon of applesauce.

But one good part is we have an appointment with him pediatrician tomorrow that we I'm glad that she can check on him to make sure everything is alright.

"Take nothing for granted in a second it can all be gone"

Happy Mother's Day

My first mother's day.
We had a nice satsang at home. I made a lousy apple-banana cake. I'm wearing a sari that my mom-in-law gifted me for my birthday. Sripathi is wearing the black outfit that I had sewed him yesterday :) And that was one noisy photo session to make sure Sripathi gives a smile.


"Take nothing for granted in a second it can all be gone"

one day left to live series - 6 months and 9 days

After a meltdown the previous evening and the following morning, i decided to bring a change before i lose it all. Moreover this is my first Mother's day. Happy Mother's day to me.

Sripathi is now 6 months and 9 days old. Its because of this soul that I'm changing myself and my life and I'm glad. He has been having an extremely hard time getting to sleep at night leave alone the worst part of getting an afternoon nap. But surprisingly today was a just amazing. He could actually catch up on some nap time without me having to rock him all along. He slept beside me for almost 3 hours, although he did wake up once in between but was able to get back to sleep in less than 20 minutes. I'm not going to prove myself with a photograph of a sleeping Sripathi with the date and time stamped on, as its against our culture to click pictures of a sleeping baby.

And I cannot believe myself that I actually hand sewed an outfit for Sripathi in less than 2 hours. I probably got all that energy just watching him sleep. Though I knit, this is the first time I have sewed anything.

And to mark the big change in my perspective, I decided to take him out for something fun. So off we went to Bruster's for Ice cream. And no I didn't feed my 6 month old any ice cream.

Also as part of the change, my dear husband will be sleeping along with Sripathi every night and will come to get me from the couch when he wakes up to be nursed.
And this is the time I would get to blog.


"Take nothing for granted in a second it can all be gone"